I have never been one to be troubled with being the Alpha Male in the group of friends or co-workers I spend my time with on a daily basis.
In fact I could go as far to say that it has never crossed my mind.
Up until yesterday.
As a Nine-to-Fiver I spend Saturdays catching up on general housekeeping that otherwise goes undone during the week. Deep cleaning the house, fixing things and replacing the household necessities that all run out at the exact same time resulting in The Big Shop.
So needless to say I found myself in one of the large supermarkets that everyone pretends to hate but secretly shops in without telling their friends.
(Indecently, the next time you are in a friend’s house have a look for evidence of this. You’d be surprised)
Anywho, I’m in the toiletries aisle looking for shower gel. I don’t have brand loyalty so I’m searching for something middling. (Not too expensive. Not too cheap) when I’m faced with a tough question.
How do I want to feel after having a shower with these products?
My options are varied.
Do I want to feel POWERFUL!
Do I want to feel STRONG!
Do I want to feel MANLY!
And so on.
I’m not quite sure now that you’ve asked. I had to take time out to think.
My day to day life doesn’t demand for any of these things. I’d settle for TALENTED! KIND! Or on some occasions GET ME TO THE END OF MY SHIFT WITHOUT SUFFERING TOO MUCH WITH THIS HANGOVER!
In the end I settled for STRONG! spending the rest of the day trying to lift stuff to see if it worked. It didn’t.
You can see why I started to question my manhood. Was I a fully paid up member of this community?
Granted I don’t tick all the boxes. I have seen friends fill out forms on dating websites. They use words like “athletic“, “muscular” replacing “heavy smoker” and “fat“. Are there options for the likes of me?
“I’m Joeby. I am house trained. Great at cleaning the house, cooking and listening, there for all ready pre-packaged into the man you want after you change him from the Neanderthal that is typical on this site”
Now don’t get me wrong I can do the stereotypical things that most regard as manly. I watch sports. Well, some sports. The indoor ones mostly that don’t result in a kick in the face or a strained groin but sports none the less. As for outdoor sports I limit myself to ones that I will never stand a chance of competing in. Formula One is a winner straight off.
I can fix anything in the house using a Stanley knife, Duct Tape and an old screwdriver. Anyone who is not a professional builder and has all the gadgets is trying too hard to show off in my book.
So here I am back at square one. Not really concerned about how I’m perceived as a man.
Do you want a hand lifting a washing machine from the van? Don’t look at me. I can sing you a song about it.
Grey Ridge Brewery