I’m a non driver, but I gig a lot around the country. My bandmates or one of our friends usually drive us- for which I am forever grateful. Here’s a list of things I’ve learned about driving on tour.
- Audi and BMW drivers are allowed to use the bus lanes at all times (seemingly)
- The later you are for a gig, the slower the traffic will be. Fact.
- In rural parts, worsening weather and road conditions make the locals go faster
- When driving home from a gig your previously under-control bladder will start shouting at you on the bleakest part of the motorway in the lashings of rain, miles from civilization
- Sometimes the automated toll pay baskets pretend you didn’t give them all the money and you have to pay them over the odds to let you through. Robot bastards.
- You can fit a whole load of people and gear in a Renault Scenic, they’re great.
- No matter how many spare leads, strings, whatever you put in the car. The one you need is the one you left at home.
- The longer the journey, the more likely the radio/cd player will refuse to work.
- Sheep are not legitimate roadkill.
- Corkscrew hill.
- If you take a sneaky shortcut through a small town while extremely late for a show, it is your fate and destiny to get smack bang stuck in the middle of their goddam Harvest Festival Parade. And you crawl along main street, waving to the kids, behind a goat on a trailer being pulled by a Massey Ferguson.
- A band becomes a family on the road.
- Barack Obama Plaza. WTF.
This list is just 13 because yesterday was Friday the 13th. We played in Sally’s of Omagh. Had the best burger in Ireland (again) Burger Hut– at the garage at the end of Main street- and the worst wine I’ve ever tasted -Cimarosa Merlot from Lidl. Played a grand gig in a grand pub, watched the match in another grand pub and Ireland drew with an away goal. Fridays are pretty sweet.
Feel free to comment on me list. What’s been your experience?